Hi there guys. Anyone still here?
You haven’t heard from me in a while, and, as you probably guessed from the title, you won’t. Why? Many reasons. Fear that someone will find it. Lack of commitment to write as often as I want to. More things. But, I figured you deserved a formal bye. And, I needed to ask for advice.
I don’t feel like doing a full recap. I just have two important things to talk about: newspaper and the speech.
Speech: Recap for those of you who need it (I don’t blame you). Signed up to do a speech, had trouble, cue anxiety attacks. I might be able to do it, or maybe drop it. Either way it’ll be resolved. Hopefully.
Newspaper: Near the end of the semester, our third issue of the newspaper came out, the holiday issue. It’s a big one. Everyone writes three articles, and is guaranteed one in the issue. You can guess where this is going – everyone, but me.
I was in tears. In class. I couldn’t even wait until I got to the bathroom. Two of my friends – James and Cathy – noticed. They were comforting. Everyone else either pretended not to notice or really didn’t. As insignificant as it may make me feel, I hope the latter.
So, after school, I went to see my counselor in tears. I told her everything. Well, by everything I mean newspaper, anxiety attacks, my hatred of the class and self-harm. I asked her if I could drop it at the semester. She said if I really wanted to, I could. She said I should talk to the teacher. I tried but couldn’t get anything out. I hate him.
So, my followers, I need advice. If I were to keep doing newspaper, I would probably have more anxiety attacks and self-harm and stress. I would drop it at the end of sophomore year, though. I would keep seeing my friends in the class, the people who make it bearable, and I would still write. I love writing. Were I to drop newspaper now, I would probably switch my science class and join the jazz band. Some of my friends are in that class, and I would see my newspaper and science friends in other classes and clubs. But it would mean that the journalism people won without knowing it. And I would hate that.
Any ideas? Please, tell me. I’m at a loss
One more thing: since it’s almost New Year’s, I may as well list my New Year Resolutions.
1). Stop procrastinating so much. Do all my homework at home, even if I think I can finish it in class the next day.
2). Lose weight, but in a healthy way. Balanced meals, exercise, not too many empty calories.
3). Go for at least two months without self-harming. If possible, stop all together. Use anxiety manager app to help anxiety attacks, not cutting.
There. I think they’re good ones. Who knows how long they’ll last, but worth a shot.
So, now I close this post. Thank you everybody I’ve met during this blogging experience. Lottie and Billierard, I don’t know if you’re reading this, but you’ve been with me since near my beginning and to your end. Jean, you’ve been helping me since the midway until the end. And Kimberly, you’ve been with me the whole way. Everyone else, who’s made a comment, who’s liked a post, who’s randomly come across this blog and glanced at one post: thank you. You guys made a difference.
I’m going to keep this blog up until the end of Christmas Break. After, I don’t know what I’ll do – take it down, make it private, something.
The email I created for this blog is firstname.lastname@example.org, with both the n’s in “annother”, and I have a Tumblr with the same URL as this. I make text posts sometimes – check the tag “hana speaks”. If it strikes you, keep in touch. I’ll miss you all. I’ll still check in on some of your blogs, but I probably won’t like or comment.
Again, thank you everyone. I loved blogging. I’ll miss it, but I just can’t anymore. Wish I could explain.
Happy New Year. 🙂